


The Grand Re-Opening Of The Royal Dragon

by The_Kings_Scribe



Category: The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Bodyswap, Foggy Nelson - Freeform, Gen, Humor, also featuring, claire temple - Freeform, colleen wing - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21826156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Kings_Scribe/pseuds/The_Kings_Scribe
Summary: They never should have let Danny Rand have any input in the new themed menu...
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	The Grand Re-Opening Of The Royal Dragon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LynnyFanFach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynnyFanFach/gifts).



> The Royal Dragon's menu is a real, official thing that really exists. You can see it in all its pun-tastic glory on the real, official New York Bulletin website at https://nybulletin.com. Click on the RD ad that shows up on the News page (I think) to see it.

Jessica hadn’t been planning to go.  
  
Danny Rand had sent her an invitation to the grand re-opening of the new and improved Royal Dragon, promising free food and VIP treatment, but she had weighted what she remembered of the quality of the food versus having to socialize with everyone else Danny had invited (in all likelihood: everyone he knew), and had taken two seconds to decide it wasn’t worth it.  
  
However, the day of, she had been in the vicinity for work (cheating husband, piece of cake). She had been about to call Malcolm to let him know when an alarm started blaring from a bank and a weirdo ran out. On stilts. Seriously. So she ran after him.  
  
The worst part was, taking him down had actually been _hard_. It had taken - no, not the team, they weren’t a Team - all four of them. Devilman she hadn’t been surprised to see, firstly because the brouhaha with Fisk had been hard to miss so she knew he was alive (but she still wanted to clock him for not telling anyone), and secondly because this was his neighborhood, but she did wonder how Luke and Danny had shown up on the scene so quickly - in between trying not to get stomped on by the telescoping metal stilts, that is.   
  
Turned out, Danny had managed to rope Luke into coming to the fabled grand re-opening (everyone else had demurred, even Danny's girlfriend), so once Stilt-Man (no, really, Stilt-Man) was in police custody, Danny had turned his big puppy dog eyes at them and said hopefully, "Were you guys on your way to the Royal Dragon too? You didn’t answer my mail so I didn’t know if you were coming."  
  
Those puppy dog eyes should have had no effect on Murdock, and they definitely weren’t working on her, no siree.  
  
But somehow, the four of them still found themselves at the Royal Dragon for a well-earned after-superheroing dinner.

* * *

The grand re-opening was on account of "a bunch of mystic ninjas shot up our place so we had to renovate". The contents of Danny’s black card had also been used to spruce up the décor, which on top of the obvious dragon theme now also had a Superheroes And Vigilantes Of New York theme, complete with blurry security camera photos and framed newspaper articles. It was not a harmonious marriage to say the least, but Danny seemed pleased. "Mr. Zhang asked me for permission, because our deal had been for the rent, not this, and I know I should’ve reached out to you guys, but Matt, we all thought you were- so anyway, I told Mr. Zhang it was okay, and I helped him find good pictures, and I made suggestions for the new menu, check it out!"  
  
Luke gamely looked at whatever Danny wanted him to look at. Murdock cleared his throat. "Yes, I’m sure it’s fine. There aren’t any legal issues, unless someone here wants to copyright their image. There’s also publicity rights, but that’s- anyway, Danny, it’s good that we met. I wanted to show you something." He fished a medallion out of his pocket and shoved it at Danny.  
  
Danny’s eyes grew wide as saucers. "This inscription… This is from K’un Lun! Where did you get this?"  
  
"I took it off a man I was tracking; I think he was a low-level Hand who managed to escape the last sweep. I got a weird feeling from this pendant, almost…" He frowned unhappily. "…almost like your Fist. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t know how else to explain it. So you’re saying I was right? This is an artifact from K’un Lun?"  
  
"Yeah, it has to be," Danny whispered reverently.  
  
"There’s an inscription," Luke pointed out. "What does it say?"  
  
Danny frowned. "It says something about chi, and how taking in the essence equals being the essence. I think it’s supposed to be a meditation aid? I’m not really sure."  
  
Jessica tuned them out until the owner himself brought them their food (four of everything, which was not, and never would be, their Usual, dammit).

* * *

She woke up in bed next to Claire Temple.  
  
And, nothing against Claire, but she hadn’t gone to bed with her last night.  
  
Then again, she realized after way too many accidentally broken knick-knacks, she hadn’t been Luke Cage last night, either.  
  
Fuck.

* * *

Fortunately, Claire had been hanging out with various superheroes for years. She was used to weird shit. So it wasn’t too hard to convince her that Jessica wasn’t her boyfriend, she was really her boyfriend’s sort-of ex. Which, awkward.  
  
She took it well, all told.

* * *

The other advantage of Claire knowing everyone was that she _knew everyone_. Current phone numbers and everything.   
  
She started with Alias Investigations. Someone picked up at the first ring, which just went to show that something definitely wasn’t right.  
  
"Is this- oh Luke, oh thank God! Yeah, Jess is here with your body. Yeah, I know how that sounded- Listen, I’m going to call around, see if anyone has any ideas."  
  
By then, Jessica had managed to dress in Luke’s clothes without breaking anything or touching anything she had no business touching, and was sitting on the bed, hands on knees, back ramrod straight. Why were there so many breakables in this room, dammit? She wasn’t usually this clumsy. To be fair, she also wasn’t usually this tall or wide. Or _this_ strong.  
  
"Luke’s at your place," Claire announced, completely unnecessarily. "He’s coming over." Dial. "Hi Colleen, is Danny- wait, what? Says he’s _Matt_? I was just calling to tell you that Luke and Jess- But wait, does that mean-? Oh shit, Danny!" Dial. "Foggy, you need to go over to Matt’s right now!"

* * *

They all rushed together to Murdock’s place, fearing the worst. The thought of waking up in an unfamiliar room, blind, other senses inhumanly sharp… well, Jess was starting to think that maybe she hadn’t gotten the worst deal here.  
  
But the guy who opened the door for them, no doubt the 'Foggy' Claire had called (he turned out to be the Nelson part of Nelson, Murdock & Page), didn’t look like he had been trying to calm down a panicking kung-fu master. "It’s all right. I expected to find him in a fetal ball on the floor, but he was actually meditating on the couch when I arrived. I explained what you told me and that you were coming, and he said, 'I know, I can hear Colleen’s heartb-'" Colleen was already shouldering her way past him and making a beeline for the couch. They all piled in after her, except Murdock, who had stayed rooted to the spot on the threshold, because… oh, right. Not Jessica’s business, that. She hurried after the others, but still heard how choked up he sounded when he said, "Hi, Foggy. It’s - it’s nice to see you."

* * *

Bottom line, Danny was fine. Not very happy, because Murdock’s senses were apparently just as hardcore as she’d always imagined, but he claimed he had a handle on them as long as he was using the ancient meditation technique of blablabla. He did complain that none of them had seen fit to take a shower before getting dressed and rushing over, to which Luke had explained _sotto voce_ that there were parts of a friend’s anatomy that one didn’t want to touch without permission, and their current collective fragrance was the tradeoff. Which, geez, thanks for noticing, Danny.   
  
Jess took a surreptitious whiff of her armpit. Yeah, okay, it was time to start solving this case.

* * *

"X-I-N-I-N-G A-I-R…" Murdock was more interested in watching the billboard outside his window than working on a solution, which, fair. "…Airways? God, Foggy, this is embarrassing. I know my letters. I _know_ I know them. This is just like raised print, only from a different angle!"  
  
"I dunno, pal, it’s been what, twenty years? This kind of stuff is use it or lose it."  
  
"I know that. It’s the same with dreaming in pictures, and lots of other things. It doesn’t really matter. At least now I understand why everyone comments on the billboard, it really is quite something."  
  
"Would you say it’s an _eyesore_?"  
  
"Ugh!"  
  
"Anyway, want to look at pictures on my phone? This is us with Karen at the office Christmas party… This is mom… This is…"  
  
Jess was doing her best to tune them out, but it wasn’t as if the work she was doing demanded all her attention. She was just waiting for the police file to load. 98% done… Aha! "Guy from yesterday is called Wilbur Day, aka Stilt-Man." She scrolled through the document, very carefully. She really didn‘t want to break this laptop. "Degree in engineering… No prior arrest record… No known association with 'powered' individuals… Dammit, I think he’s a bust."  
  
"Maybe if not him, then something about his equipment?" Claire suggested.  
  
"No, I think I know who made those stilts for him," Murdock chimed in. "He’s good, but not that good."  
  
"But whatever it was had to happen while you were all together. What else did you do?"  
  
"Nothing special," shrugged Luke. "We just went out for dinner."  
  
"So maybe it was something or someone at that restaurant?"  
  
"The Royal Dragon? It’s about as magical as my left toenail," Jess scoffed.  
  
"Mr. Zhang immigrated in 2003. Before that, he worked at a water treatment plant in Guizhou Province. He’s not a master of the mystic arts," Danny said, startling them all. He had barely spoken since their arrival and moved even less, except to hold Colleen’s hand.  
  
"Okay, you’re the one who had the most contact with him. But I’m still going to look into it, just in case other people are affected too. The place was packed yesterday," Luke decided.  
  
"I still think it’s the K’un Lun relic," Colleen said. The object in question was currently laid out on Murdock’s coffee table. She poked it gingerly with the hand that wasn’t holding Danny’s. "Come on, does anyone here seriously believe it’s not a magic relic?"  
  
"No, of course it's magic, it’s just not supposed to do that," Danny explained calmly.  
  
Jess rolled her eyes. "Really? Yesterday you said you didn’t know what it did."  
  
Luke took a pause from looking at his phone. "So, I’m not finding anything about the Royal Dragon and people waking up in the wrong body, just normal customer reviews. There’s actually some buzz because of the grand re-opening. People mostly like the new theme, they think it’s fu… Oh. Oh no." He started frantically scrolling again.  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"Uh, okay guys. This is going to sound strange, but try to think back: what exactly did you eat yesterday?"  
  
"I had the lo mein and some shrimp dumplings," Murdock said thoughtfully. Luke made a noncommittal noise.  
  
Jess frowned. "I had some sort of beef dish with broccoli, I think."  
  
"Oh, I get it! Luke, you’re a genius! I had the Devil’s Spicy Eggplant!"  
  
"And I had the Private Eye Peking Duck," Luke nodded to himself. "Checks out."  
  
"Wait, what?" Jess had lost the plot. This sounded an awful lot like…  
  
"We really should have read the menu before we ordered, huh?" Luke laughed.

* * *

"Of course the food’s not magical," Danny explained as he tap-tap-tapped his way to the table that was not their Usual with the cane borrowed from Murdock’s collection and carefully sat down with Colleen’s help. (They had gotten a crash course from Nelson and Murdock on How To Get Around When You’re Blind And What You, Sighted Person, Can Do To Help.) "It’s because I had the relic on the table. The name of a thing is part of the essence of a thing, and since what we chose didn’t match our essence, the relic tried to help by making us match."  
  
"You mean to tell me," Jess glared at the menu, "that I turned into Luke because I ate the Bulletproof Beef. But if I had picked the Private Eye Peking Duck, I would have been fine?"  
  
"That’s my theory."  
  
"But what would have happened if two of us had eaten the same 'wrong' thing?" Luke interjected, fascinated. "Say, if Jess and I both had the K’un Lun Kung Pao Chicken? What about the Chikara Chow Mein? I’m guessing that’s Colleen. She wasn’t even with us yesterday, does it work long distance?"  
  
"I’m really not familiar enough with this kind of magic to say. Maybe I’ll examine it again once I have my sight back."  
  
"And to turn back, I would need to order…" Murdock frowned at the menu. "Uh… the spicy eggplant, you said?"  
  
"Maybe also the Sliced Avocado Salad," Nelson pointed at the item. "Just to be sure."  
  
"Okay guys, here’s our waiter. Danny, put the relic on the table. Everyone who’s in the wrong body, sort out your order. Everyone else, don’t touch anything. Not a single bite," Claire directed.   
  
This was officially the stupidest plan ever. "Okay, fine. I’ll have the Bourbon Chicken," Jessica told the waiter. "And hold the chicken."

* * *

There were only crumbs left of their dinner, and Jess was antsy. "Do you guys feel different? I don’t feel different."  
  
"We didn’t switch right away yesterday, it happened overnight," Danny pointed out calmly. "We’ll know for sure tomorrow."  
  
"And if we’re still not ourselves tomorrow?"  
  
"We ask the Avengers for help," Luke suggested.  
  
"I really hope it doesn’t come to that," Murdock groaned. "Hey, Danny, can I have my keys back? Here are yours." Keys duly sorted out, he unfolded his cane (a spare he had inexplicably insisted on using) in preparation to standing up.  
  
"Why’d you even bring this thing? You don’t even need one when you’re blind."  
  
"I actually really did need one when I was first learning to get around, before Stick taught me his tricks. And right now- well, it’s been nice, borrowing Danny’s eyes, but it’s like with reading, I’m not used to it anymore. There’s way too much distracting stimulus on one hand, and the senses I usually rely on are too muted on the other, plus I have a hard time appreciating distances like this…" He trailed off in frustration. "Well, I just feel more grounded with the cane."  
  
"And with me?" Nelson asked, silently offering his elbow.  
  
A ghost of a smile as Murdock took it. "Yeah, that too."

* * *

Jessica had never been so glad to wake up in her own bed in her own body. She was never having Chinese again.

* * *

However, the next time the Not-Team got together (to take down some jackass calling himself Paste-Pot Pete), Jessica did let herself get dragged to their Not-Table at the Royal Dragon, because unfortunate choices in menu names aside, their food wasn‘t bad.  
  
(But she triple-checked that Danny wasn’t carrying any mystical trinkets before she ordered anything, because once was enough.)


End file.
